at first, there's only darkness. it feels like ages as nikola wanders the emptiness of their dream realm, seeing only scattered fragments of memory. in reality, it's only a couple minutes until things start to piece themselves together. they can only catch glimpses of something through the fog... they can see a sterile environment, hear the beeping of multiple machines, and then... an intense pain launches them backwards, as in reality their body seizes up.

they go back, all the way back, right to the beginning. they remember being too small to reach the counter, while still having to get their own water and snacks for themself. they read a lot of books during this time, and envied the adventures the protagonists went on. their appetite for knowledge was voracious, but they had no money and their mother wouldn't buy them anything they didn't absolutely need. they took to doing random chores around the neighborhood so they could buy more books, some of them textbooks on things they hadn't yet covered in school.

their mother took their money whenever she found it, claiming it was her payment for taking care of them.

nikola had no friends, as they now remember. the only person they could rely on was themself. this was how they grew up, bitter and alone, with only literature to keep them company. even when they skipped ahead a grade, they received no praise. they were told they were trying too hard, they were too stingy, they cared too much about money. what else were they supposed to do? aside from knowledge, money is the only thing in the world that matters.

these memories all filter back in. in the real world, their body relaxes, no longer seeming pained. only their expression remains troubled, and their fist unconsciously clenches there in the bed.

inside the dream, a younger nikola is realizing exactly what they need to do. in order to make money, they need to get good grades in school, which will then hopefully result in them getting a full ride to university... though they still had to pay for board, food, and other necessities. they were able to survive this state of desperate squalor until they'd completed their bachelors, but if they wanted to succeed in life, they'd have to go even further.

this is when they met professor thorne.

at first, nikola thought she was mad. at the very least she was mad and able to pay them good money to help in her lab. they took in test subjects, trying to determine if humans had any of the potential pokemon did. slowly their funds dwindled, and the other assistants left, and they could no longer even afford to pay for test subjects. nikola weighed the sunk-cost fallacy against all their other options, and decided to stick with the project.

they still need a test subject, of course. that subject... was nikola. in reality, under ameena's watchful gaze, nikola's body once again contorts in agony as they recall the pain, the humiliation, the extensive suffering. their breath comes in short gasps, and they mutter feverishly. "forget... forget... make me forget..." now they remember why they wanted to forget in the first place. inside their dream, they're driven to desperation, seeking relief at any cost. eventually, they forget why they came to the lab in the first place, and then they forget where they're from and who they are. it's easier that way, isn't it? ignorance is bliss.